STORM CATCHER

storm catcher dolph lundgren

STORM CATCHER (1999)

Tagline: “To fight the winds of war…he must enter the eye of the storm”

IMDB Rating: 3.9/10

Clichés aren’t necessarily a bad thing. In cinematic terms they’re used as a kind of shorthand, a way of effectively transferring information to the audience with minimum fuss and screen time. Therefore, if a movie character mournfully empties the dregs of a whiskey bottle down their neck then they’re an alcoholic.

Similarly, if a supporting female character lives in a dingy, poorly-lit apartment that she shares with the stench of her own failure and a bunch of cats, then she’s mental.

And if a man is involved with a secret NASA mission to develop a super-advanced aircraft but is ruthlessly double-crossed by a former brother-in-arms on the take and then forced to go outside the law he fought so valiantly to uphold in order to protect his family, save his reputation and steal the very super-advanced aircraft he put his heart and soul into perfecting and then use that aircraft against those that have wronged him, then he’s Dolph Lundgren.

dolph lundgren storm catcher
Dolph Lundgren – Fulbright Scholar. No, really.

It would appear that any movies released on DVD and available to buy from a major supermarket or pile-it-high-sell-it-cheap shop for the sum total of one shiny pound have a whole bunch of clichés all of their very own. As we move through the list of cinematic atrocities, various themes, plot points, character types and situations will come up again and again.

‘Storm Catcher’ is apparently where they all come to die.

So:

Innocent man on the run?

CHECK

Idyllic home life threatened?

CHECK

Rogue government agent(s)?

CHECK

Stealth Fighter aircraft? (which appear more often than you could possibly imagine.)

CHECK

Formerly buff, now slightly doughier, leading man.

CHECK

Subsidiary character beaten, stabbed, gouged and left for dead miraculously survives to provide vital information for hero – and then makes miraculous recovery to re-establish utopian family unit by the end?

CHECK

Main actor fails to appreciate homoerotic subtext of story

CHECK

Ok so we made that last one up. We think.

Yes, there are some serious eyebrow raisers in ‘Storm Catcher’ – the fluctuating spelling of the main character’s surname, a pair of FBI agents named “Lock” and “Lode,” a prison van that explodes, performs 4 complete mid-air flips and lands heavily only for Dolph to emerge with little more than a slightly grazed cheek, the scene where Dolph is expertly installed in his super high-tech, high-spec space age flight suit by NASA technicians to ensure its sterility – only for him to promptly yank off a glove for the thumbprint ID scan on the side of the plane – but these are merely prologue to the main upshot of sitting through ‘Storm Catcher.’

It’s f*cking sh*t.

 

One Comment

  1. Maria says:

    Will remember that.Still fiuigrng out how to organize the films. Ideally, I’d like to hit Dracula and Baron Frankenstein, something a little less well known like Curse of the Werewolf or The Mummy, something that hits Hammer’s satanic sub-set, The Devil Rides Out perhaps, and finish it off with Horror Express, but that’s just too much. Heck, I’d like to fit in one of the Quatermass films. Decisions, decisions.Next year, I’m thinking Jacques Tourneour. Mainly because I want an excuse for Curse of the Demon.

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